Most single people I meet really don’t enjoy been single. It can be anything from the most basic reason like “I can’t be happy alone” to a more subtle reason when thinking about the future they have this image of life with a wife/husband and family etc and they think they can’t be happy until they are there – and achieved ‘success’.

We are conditioned by so many Hollywood movies where the happy ending is all about when the boy and the girl finally meet, or sort things out, and they live happily ever after – or until the movie stops… but then what?

What is the ‘happy end’ of life? When you’re dead? For me personally that’s a bit too late for start being happy. :p

This is deeply embedded in our subconscious, not only by movies and fairy tales but also by our friend and families and society as a whole. We MUST find ‘the right one’ and if we don’t we at least have to find someone who is ‘good enough’.

All this is simply in order to be happy, and if you’re not happy you have to pretend to be happy so everyone else can give you approval for it. I see this over and over again – couples that are not really happy with each other, but the situation is better than nothing…

So you shouldn’t get a girlfriend then?

I’m not saying that, I’m saying DO WHATEVER YOU WANT AS LONG AS YOU ARE HONEST WITH YOURSELF & YOUR ACTIONS.

Start by being happy now, then it’s more likely that you find an incredible girlfriend anyway.

You have to be strong enough to walk your own path, because people will try and push you down from that to make you do whatever THEY think is right.

I think we all know deep inside what is right for us but for many of us taking ‘the easy way out’ and getting any girlfriend is just the easier option – but which is just the bullshit way out in the long run.

For me it’s more of the other way around, I want to feel like ‘I’ve done it all’ before I would ever think of getting into any monogamous relationship with a girl, then I know I can really enjoy her 100% without doubting ‘what if…’

I don’t know if I’ll ever get to that point, but it doesn’t matter for me because I’m enjoying the everyday adventure of my single life!

/ Joachim

p.s I am in the process of making a whole bunch of new videos, so stay tuned

But have you ever thought that this would inevitably lower the attraction? This is in fact true. And it works in both directions.

Quoting from David Deida’s Way of the Superior Man: “A woman’s feminine shine, the energy that moves her body, her utterly refreshing spontaneity and mystery, not to mention her delightful smile, are what attract you”.

Now let’s take a closer look to what he means…

What’s spoken about is the importance of a male and a female side in every intimate relationship.

Having an intimate partner of whom you understand every aspect perfectly and reason with on the same logical and emotional level, sure sounds great.

But this takes away the most fundamental parts of intimacy, polarity and much of the attraction.

I’m going to talk about attraction – but the polarity that is the source of so much of it.

The polarity attraction force works the same way as it does with magnets. For two magnets to be drawn to each other, attract one another and stay that way. You need one positive (+) and one negative (-) side. Two positives or two negatives are just going to repel each other; neither are two neutral sides attracting one another.

Now what does this means in the way of intimate relationships?

A man shall be loved for that he is just a man, the same comes to women. Accept (and embrace!) that your partner is different than you, that you work in two fundamental different ways. Learn that you may never use your own male logic to reason and communicate with her.

Instead, try to understand what she responds positive to; don’t assume that she will like something just because you do. And don’t beat yourself up trying to understand just why she does respond in that particular way.

Come to peace with that she is feminine, and you are masculine. And never try to change that.

So many fights in relationships come from the base of miscommunication – which is often rooting in misunderstandings of your partner’s perception of reality. Again, just because you think your way is crystal clear, it doesn’t mean it is for her. And don’t be mad at her for this.

Do not think I’m speaking about degrading her – or anything in that way!

Remember, different doesn’t have to mean bad or worse. Just different, and that’s in a good way. Because without it we wouldn’t have the energy that binds together us, what makes the sexes so inevitably drawn to each other, just like the magnets.

Myself, I love women. Just because they are women. And I expect my women to love me just because I am a man.

Sebastian
- DatingWorks Intern

Hey Joe. You just sent me an email asking about charging around the club talking to everyone, how MEGAstate is KEY and that you know you need more experience BUT you don’t want to talk to girls JUST because you SHOULD only because you WANT TO…

So… should you talk to everyone all the time or should you become more selective with whom you talk to and with your time?

Remember this:

Quality is always better than Quantity – BUT when you are a newbie and you can’t just walk up and talk to anyone you must push yourself to get as many social interactions under your belt as you can – If your at that stage then yeah you do need to go out and get as much of that reference experience as you can, but…

Do you want to go out on a Friday night from 9pm until 2am talk to a few pretty girls and hope ONE will work out and you maybe get a kiss or a number?

Is that really living life through your own intentions?

… Hoping something will happen by the end of the night… ?!

OR do you want to go out with a PLAN and go clubbing from 9pm until 12 – and max it out by walking up to everyone, rockin the party, talking to heaps of girls, then grab the girl you want, take her home before midnight and have the time pleasure each other for hours!

You don’t have to go out 7 days a week and talk to as many girls as you can for hours and hours – all you have to do is choose WHICH DAYS you go out and FOR HOW LONG – then follow your plan 100% TO THE MAX!

Say like this…

Friday Night:

I will go to town at 9pm, approach women on the street and warm up my skills. At 10pm I will go to a club and approach up to 20 girls in that first hour. At around 11pm I will have met many pretty cool girls, so then I can choose which ones I want to RE-OPEN and continue pushing for the close… Around 12 tell one girl ‘OI ITS TIME TO GO – I NEED FOOD…’ – and drag her out the club, take her home and….BOOM!

THAT IS AN ACTION PLAN!

You must know what you want every time you go out!

Otherwise you are just wasting your time and the girls can see you have NO idea whats going on.

I remember a time when I was getting really into this and for a year I could only go out for 1 day a week because I was SO busy with work and uni – BUT I MADE SURE THAT I WENT OUT every Thursday from 8pm until 12pm (at this mid-week early club) and pushed myself so fuckin hard to get results – I ended up dating at least 2 different women every week and ONLY had ONE flake that whole year!

Remember its Quality Time OVER Quantity Time…

ALWAYS have a plan, and stop wasting your time with half-arsed bullshit, by going out to the club with a bunch of dudes, sitting around and waiting for something to happen – you must start to become PRO-ACTIVE with your life.

Make a plan which fits around your normal life and then KEEP to that plan like you would when you are going to the gym.

/ Nathan

(if you missed PART1 – click here)

So what should you believe?

You “should” believe in what benefits you the most!

This is not always the same as the closest thing to the truth, but often it is. If science is the closest thing to the truth should I then only believe in science?

No way!

As much as science attempts to stay as close as possible to reality, it is also quite limiting as anything that is not (yet) scientifically proven is not science – which then concludes a lot.

Sometimes you need to be inspired and see what is possible, or what might be possible.

People too often confuse skepticism with pessimism and it is not the same thing.

Pessimism and optimism are no truer one or the other, pessimism is just a more boring way to look at thing.

What works and why?

When you truly believe in something is when miracles can happen. This may work for you or/and against you.

Alternative medicine for example; some things may work really well where a lot falls due to the so-called placebo effect.

Even though we should not overestimate the placebo effect by saying it is going to work for everything, we should certainly not underestimate it, Here are two reasons:

1. Some things, e.g. physical pain, are very subjective and therefore strongly influensed by the placebo effect.
2. If you believe something works, you will either make it work unconsciously or just still believe it does work when in fact it does not.

It is all hypnosis (and if you do not “believe” in hypnosis, all communication is a kind of hypnosis).

If I say “take this pill and a wonderful feeling will start from your toes… spreading slowly up your legs… and up your stomach… and up your neck and head” you would most likely start to feel that “wonderful” feeling whatever that would be like, both immediately, and maybe also as you take that pill – whatever pill it is (that, of course, does not have an immediate stronger effect).

For me developing software (yeah I’m a geek but don’t tell anyone!) has been a way of seeing through illusions. Sometimes I run into bugs which seem totally illogical and make no sense at all.

At the end it always makes sense, usually the mind is just trapped at the illusion I’m starring at right then. I think this happens often in real life as well, something seems illogical and some people will even make the conclusion that there is some “magic” behind it, but there never is.

What is true for you?

All you see is from your own perspective.

If you get X every time you do Y ten times in a row you would probably link the two events together even though the second one is independent of the first.

As you see this may make people believe in anything (and that is just what they do sometimes).

Here you need to be healthily sceptic – did X REALLY lead to Y or was I just random?

Sometimes, if X has lead to Y several times X may work as a ritual and then it may help you achieve your desired result by getting you in a desirable state. This is why many athletes have strange rituals before competition – it puts them in the state they want to be in, but which may in its extreme cases cause superstitions.

So what we perceive as reality is never reality itself. In a sense being “realistic” then comes in another light as we can only explain what is realistic by what we already know.

We can never know how the world works, we can only get a better and better understanding of it, and by being “realistic” we may limit ourselves to the world as we already know it.

So be unrealistic in the sense that anything is possible. But please avoid confusing this with setting up goals that are just silly or are foredoomed to disappoint you (I wll post more about this in a few weeks).

To sum it up;

What I want to convey is that stay open for all possibilities in life, but always stay aware and critical, always challenge your believes to see whether that hold up. It may sound paradoxical but it’s really not.

The possibilities are endless, and that my friend is reality.

- Joachim

if you have any questions or comments – it would be great if you post them below…

this is something I wrote down last year as a guide for guys who are not sure exactly what stage they are on, and also for me as a guide to the progression phrases of what it takes to become 100% consistent with women.

check it out below, and answer the question @ the bottom!

STEP_1 – You have never gone out to night clubs or like to party much, you really don’t have a social life, you work, watch TV and sleep. You don’t date any girls, maybe you have kissed a few girls and would like to have it happen again but your life is really busy right now so you don’t really have the time or energy to go out and meet new people.

STEP_2 – You have gone out to clubs a few times to meet girls with your mates, you didn’t really know what to do, so that made you feel uncomfortable and didn’t want to go out again much, unless of course you just went out for a few drinks with the mates.

STEP_3 – You go out to the clubs & pubs with your mates as many weekends as you can, you don’t really know how to attract the girls you want but you think ‘at least if I go there and hang out maybe one night I will meet a girl who wants me’ – you still mostly spend the night with your male friends drinking beers, standing against the wall watching girls walk past. – You date a few girls every year, maybe even had a girlfriend once or twice but you never really knew how that happened – you would really like to learn how to get more girls into your life.

STEP_4 – You go out to clubs with your mates as many weekends as you can, grab a few drinks and hang out. You have started to learn about how to attract girls and so you go and open a few groups of girls to see what will happen. Not much really happens with the interactions, you make them laugh for a few mins then you tell them you need to go back to your friends – thinking ‘quickly now before they reject me’  You realise that this wasn’t as scary as you thought it would be and decided you will do it again soon, after a few more beers.

STEP_5 – You go to clubs with the intentions to approach girls, you decide your not going to drink this time, you are going out simply to approach and talk to new groups of girls. This is harder than you thought but still you approach a few girls and have conversations, sometimes you ask them for a number and get it, you are now dating a few girls – not the ones you really want but you say ‘well at least I am dating and talking to some new girls – that’s more than my mates.’

STEP_6 – You go out and can walk up to the girls you want to talk with and can connect with them on a level which creates a connection, you don’t get a sexual connection with them as often as you want but you are half way there – at least you are talking to cool girls, you can get numbers and go on a few dates but mostly you are becoming aware of what is going on with the interactions and you can sometimes direct them the way you want… You are still working on creating faster and deeper sexual tension and becoming the leader of your life.

STEP_7 – You go into the clubs with a purpose, you can walk up to any girls now and connect with the ones you want on a sexual level, girls really like to hang out with you and be around you. Getting girls for you is still hard work and takes conscious effort but you are constantly closing girls and going on new dates with the kinds of girls you want at least once a week.

STEP_8 – You walk into the club with a big smile, open the first group of girls you see, talk for a bit, leave them happy, wanting more but you are moving onto the next fun thing already… you are the party, you are on a mission, you can talk to anyone you want, you don’t really care about validating results like hooking up with the hottest girl anymore, you are out purely for your own amusement because you know you can just grab the best girl for you whenever you want and take her home.

Remember to be 100% honest with yourself. so you know where you are and where you are heading.

So honestly WHICH STEP sounds most like YOU right now @ this moment?

In fact I don’t think you can separate these things, it’s not possible to just stay the way you are, “apply some tricks” and attract the people you want to attract – even though some people seem to think that this is the way it works.

To attract people you have to have an attractive personality, and that’s absolutely something everyone can develop anytime they want.

If you want consistent results, if you want to feel good, if you want a wonderful life, you have to begin with yourself.

To get different results from what you are getting today, you must behave differently, and to behave differently you have to start thinking differently.

So by changing your thought patterns you will change your behaviour. But this is also vice versa; by changing your behaviour you will also start to change your thought patterns.

I will encourage you to do both; using techniques to create new alternatives for your automatic behaviour, and most importantly to gain real-world experience. Real-world experience needs to be balanced, so it’s challenging enough to expand your comfort zone yet still comfortable enough to avoid a strongly unpleasant experience (which may have the opposite effect).

This is something I call quality of experience.

In this blog I will start with some large concepts that will hopefully begin to shift your way of thinking.

So rather than sharing a bunch of “social tricks” that get people to react in a certain way, I want to provide you with some information about what lies behind people’s and your own behaviour.

If you can grasp a set of natural concepts and mental attitudes, both about how to think and act, you will have more success than any “tricks, pua lines & rountines” can give you, and you will interact with people in a natural, non-forced way.

We are constantly driven by illusions…

What do I mean with “illusions”?

I mean all things with a surface level which covers up what is really going on. Simple examples are TV and newspapers, not only do they cover up what “actually” happened and usually put a twist on it, but also they select the news that “sells” the best. Or rather what they believe will sell best, and these in majority send a negative message to the world.

Actually all things that describe reality but is not the reality itself can be called some sort of illusion.

Even science, even though science differs from most illusions – in science you are constantly looking for evidence that supports your theories, but more importantly, anything that falsifies the theory or model which could mean you would have to find a new one.

So in science the goal is to find as accurate an illusion as possible, and continuously try to improve it…

The opposite comes to religion (or any dogmas), pseudo science, and seemingly supernatural phenomenon (spiritualism and new age comes as well). Here everything that contradicts the belief is disregarded 100%. To support these kinds of illusions we need to be a “true believer”, never challenge our belief systems, and only find new evidence supporting what we already believe.

Your perception of reality is also an illusion in the sense that it is not the reality itself.

Every person hears what they hear, sees what they see and feels what they feel, and it might be very close to reality but it is never the reality itself.

More so, your memories are not reality, even though they are real memories they are just a bunch of memories from the past and future, not the reality of right now, in this moment.

So essentially, all “bad” memories you have are just a series of illusions, you could just as well remember the situation in a benefiting way – it would not be “the truth” either way (if you want techniques for this just leave a comment). Notice that remembering a memory in a new way may not be the same as delusion or denial.

*** This blog is getting a bit LONG so I will post the rest as Part2 in a few days time! ***

- Joachim

- When you’re talking to hot women – are you SPREADING THE JOY?

- When you’re hanging with your mates – are you SPREADING THE JOY?

- When you’re at work 9/5 – are you SPREADING THE JOY?

- When you’re living your daily life – are you SPREADING THE JOY?

When you’re out dating different women everyday of the week – YOU ARE SPREADING THE JOY!

I hope you get the point, it’s time to SPREAD YOUR JOY!

Go through the list above again and this time ask yourself ‘… How Do You Feel …’ when you are in any one of those situations.

Do you feel happy, calm, stressed, nervous, scared, uncertain, lonely, energized – or any other emotion?

When you are out meeting women and you feel stressed, nervous, lonely, or uncertain – do you think SHE is going to enJOY talking to you?

NOPE!

She will always feel what you feel – so if you want to become consistent with women you must learn how to get yourself into a STATE OF MIND which projects JOY from all parts of your body and mind!

You must become a JOY-MACHINE – so that everything you touch turns into joyful, happy and fun times!!!

SPREADING THE JOY is a pure OUTER reflection of what is going on within your body!

• You feel happy – YOU PROJECT HAPPY
• You feel needy – YOU PROJECT NEEDY
• You feel nervous – YOU PROJECT NERVOUS!

Do you get the point?

‘Yes Nathan! But how are we meant to spread JOY when we are shit scared, nervous and have no idea how to connect sexually with women we want?!’

It’s not as hard as you may think – even though you can’t just transform into MR JOY overnight just because you want it to – by making a daily effort to allow more JOY (ie. happiness, fun, laughter, enjoyment etc) into your own life it will start to reflect onto others around you and then in return you will attract so many more women into your life.

This is one of the secrets of how the best guys get so consistent with women…

EnJOYment of Life = Attractive!

- Here are a few things you can try doing, to help SPREAD THE JOY from within you:

1. Every morning when you wake up, spend at least 5 minutes sharing with yourself how happy and grateful you are that you are alive today and how awesome the way your living your life is. Do You Think This Sounds Gay Or Retarded? Well ifyou’renot getting the results you want with women – THIS… i.e lacking self honesty and self-appreciation may be one of the biggest reasons why you haven’t progressed faster than you have. (Because if you really CAN’T spend 5mins telling yourself how grateful you are for your life right now – then what kind of shit-arse life are you LETTING yourself get away with?)
2. Ask yourself any time during the day… ‘What is wrong with right now / this moment?’ If you are honest there will be nothing wrong with THIS moment – the only problems you COULD find if you looked hard enough would be future or past mental projections – not right now.
3. Look for the fun, amusing things in your everyday life and just let yourself laugh, smile AND enJOY what you see – this life really isn’t that hard as long as you just let yourself relax into this moment and learn to find enjoyment in everything you are doing.
4. BUY Eckhart Tolle’s ‘The Power Of Now’ on audio book and listen to it for at least 30mins every day ——> It’s not a dating book but the things he talks about (once you understand them) will help you out so much in the dating world. I recommend this as one of the most amazing and life-changing books I have ever read!

I know these things won’t just change overnight, but like I have always said: ‘Dude it’s better to be taking one step FORWARD than either staying in the same place or like most people going backwards into situations they don’t even want to be in…’

I know this is a lot deeper than some of my other blogs, but trust me when I say getting your MIND into shape is one of the fastest, and easiest ways for you to start getting AWESOME results with women.

When I sorted this shit out (i.e MY MIND) my success with women went to the NEXT level so fast.

Leave some comments below, I would love to hear what you thought about this blog…

For me to describe attraction, I have divided it into three main categories:

1) Emotional Roller-Coaster-Based Attraction:

To create massive attraction fast (under 5mins) you more or less have to shock the girl into attraction.

How does this happen?

The best way to do this is by teasing and messing with her – push/pull action, get physical, assumptions and playing a fun version of the ‘blame’ game… You want to stir up her emotions – and it doesn’t matter if the emotions are good or bad.

The most important thing is the intensity of the emotions.

Personally I don’t recommend you to make a girl angry on purpose since I don’t like it myself, positive energy is always more powerful and it’s not really that consistent – but creating mixed emotions can create massive attraction. I know guys that succeed (at least every now and then) by doing this – ask Nathan about his 10 Slaps Girl…

To make this work you have to be able to turn it around somehow – so that she eventually thinks you are an OK guy. Triggering too much hate will make her think a lot about you but not in the way that she want to see you again.

The good thing I want you to get from this is that you don’t have to be afraid to upset a girl, as it is possible to use any situation to your advantage.

The most consistent way is to create mostly good feelings within her – then she can’t help liking you!

Fun fun fun, a smile and a lot of confidence works awesomely well for me!

Remember that the fun should always come from a place self-amusement, if not you will lose your respect/social value (more about this later)

Even though you want to give her a happy, fun time generally you must also spice it up a little by bring some edge to the conversation. You can do this by adding tiny bits of sexual, gross and/or evil elements – just as if you could be rude if you would like, but then you choose to twist it fun and cool instead.

The tension created by this type of behavior will of course affect her even more emotionally.

This is increasing her buying temperature, but to make her attracted to you as a person you need the next “type” of attraction.

2) Personality threat-based attraction:

What you want to shine through while you’re taking her on an emotional trip is that you actually are a cool person – not just acting cool and fun right now.

Some people talk about “DHV stories” which should indirectly transfer that you’re doing “cool” (high value/respectable) things.

I don’t believe it has anything to do with the things you do.

What? – But if I have a cool life that’s attractive isn’t it?

Absolutely, but why is it attractive?

Because it’s the WAY you talking about it – your attitude towards it.

I mean, your job could tell a lot about you, but it doesn’t have to do. You can have a lame-arse job just because you have spent your energy and time on other stuff!

What you want is to have a cool personality and attitude – that’s what she want you to have as well!

So by letting it shine through that you know what you want in life, you’re confident, unreactive, women usually love you, you love women, abundant/non-needy, positive, fun etc. she will be attracted to you as a person.

3) Social value-based attraction:

This type of attraction is what leads to so many misconceptions of what is attractive. Why is the celebrity, boss, bartender or other “important person” attractive?

His social status!

He knows everyone, or rather everyone think they know him. This leads to social value, which basically says “this person is important and I should emotionally respond to him” since he is “validated” from so many others.

You of course don’t need to be a celebrity to create this, and it can be a fun game to play sometimes that when you know a lot of people (especially cool dudes and pretty girls) at a place – like if you go to the same club a lot – you will soon have everyone’s eye on you.

Cute girls will then just pop open (respond to you by you saying very little or actually beginning talking to you themselves). However it might be a trap you may fall into by avoiding going to any other clubs as it becomes so easy at this “favourite” place).

An even cooler thing to do is to create your social value WHILE being at the club.

How?

Well, if there are a lot of girls in the club, walk around just open them, talk for a little bit and then eject by saying something positive like: “I gotta find my friends, lets talk later! High five!”.

You can always re-open the ones you like afterwards.

When you have talked to pretty much every pretty girl – you can then just stand somewhere (preferable where a lot of people pass by) talking to your friend and cute girls will come talk to you and hug you (if you done a good job). As other girls see this, your social value will skyrocket!

Being pre-selected by pretty girls is the most efficient way to increase your social value.

So, what is attraction?

To get someone to react to you, you have to have some sort of respect – or social value. This can simply be created by your attitude but I gave you some ways to increase it even more. To truly make a girl associate the attraction to you as a person you also need the second “type”.

But they actually all belong together as what they essentially do is letting you create emotions in her.

So I was thinking about this the other day – what is attraction?

What makes me attracted to a girl?

Her looks?

Absolutely, but takes more than that, I want a girls with personality! And yeah, a confident cool arse chick that knows what she wants is very attractive – of course as long as she’s not over-dominant.

The feminine sexual energy differs some from the masculine; the feminine sexual energy is a balance of being motherly and adventurous while masculine is about being confident and having a sense of humor.

Apart from this attraction works the same for both girls and guys!

So what do I want when I want to be attracted to a girl? I want her to create a lot of emotions in me!

Hence My Conclusion:

Attraction IS when you’re massively responding emotionally to a person. Just as lack of attraction is when you don’t care about that person – and the more emotions you create over less time, the more intense the attraction is!

/ Joachim