What Is Love?
I see it over and over again – people looking for love!
But what is it really…looking for love?
Well, you can’t really start looking for it without the belief that love is something you must find. You also have to believe that when you find someone to love you it will make you happy – otherwise you wouldn’t care looking for it.
Personally I don’t believe in it.
I believe that the only “special secret” person that can make you happy (in long term anyway) is yourself.
We all been taught by society (parents, friends, movies etc.) that there is ONE very special person that you should “settle down with” and that peson will make you happy. The paradox is that most of us know people in relationships that are not happy.
But all of us needs to be loved, right?
Yeah, absolutely!
But there’s a difference between true love and just getting validated! Most of us wants validation so bad that we almost do anything for it! And that my friend, is called being addicted!
But don’t get me wrong. I think it’s just human to need some amount of validation, but it’s just like eating tons of sugar – too much of it just makes you want more and more and more!
We buy stuff we don’t need because it makes us feel good. We worry about what people think about us because we want people to like us. And we want one (or more) people to be do anything for us so we feel important – even though if they don’t like themselves that much we will soon get very tired of them and wish they could just go away!
The worst thing with all this is that it works!
When you’ve been thinking; “all I need is someone to love me” and then you find the one and you fall blindly in love you say to yourself: “I knew it! I knew it would make me happy!”.
But when reality comes back and you realise that it didn’t solve all your problems and then it’s when you find out if that relationship is something which really works or not.
I believe love is something else than just being validated.
I believe that love is something that starts from within yourself and we all already got it, no matter who we are (even though it’s harder to find in some people) – It’s some kind of appreciation of just being alive – a sense of feeling great for no reason at all!
And it’s something that you spread to others from without ever expecting anything back – and irrational as it sounds it’s really not, because in long term we will always get more back if we give more!
You don’t believe me?
Ok, just think of the feeling you got when you gave something to a person who really appreciated what you did? Isn’t that a good feeling? Doesn’t that make you feel really good? Your actions will determine your self-image and values, so being sneaky will make you feel sneaky – and of course being generous will make you feel just that!
Of course you can overdo this as well. Just like the person mentioned above giving everything but without valuing themselves! When “kindness” comes from a place with no value we don’t appreciate it anyway.
It just like that old expression: you can’t expect anyone to love you if you don’t first love yourself!
Joachim
L1 Instructor for Dating Works - http://www.datingworks.eu
